Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
