Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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