yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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