Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Someone signed my nipple.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
