Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize