I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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