I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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