shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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