His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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