I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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