I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
