I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
