After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
