ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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