apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Randomize
