I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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