i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
