how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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