i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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