$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
