Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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