God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
