Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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