There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
