she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
