I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
