I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
