Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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