her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Pants are for mortals
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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