there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
