I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
