Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
