I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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