Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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