some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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