Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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