you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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