dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
