my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
