Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
