end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
