I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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