this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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