My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize