how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
