By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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