..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
