Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
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I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
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Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all