His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.