Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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