The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...