it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
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In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.