I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Hippo gnu deer
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher