I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.