Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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