We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
