also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
