we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
