I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
