69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
