if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We're too hungover to prance.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
