Got a toothbrush?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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