It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
