Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
