My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
