tonight lets celebrate not being married
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
