not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
