She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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