I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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