I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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