so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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