Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Randomize
