Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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