You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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