Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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