Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
