I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
