sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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