I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
