you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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