I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My penis needs a shock collar
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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