She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
