I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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